Resolutions / Mantra….

So I am relatively new at this whole blogging thing, but I thought I could give it a shot. I have so much floating around my brain it would just be therapeutic for me to write it down somewhere.
Besides, being much cheaper than going to a therapist I’d love to eventually be able to help other people going through similar situations that I go through. Now before someone starts thinking to themselves, “What made her such an expert at life?”
The answer? I am not an expert at life. I am only 33, but I can speak for what I have gone through and how those experiences have moulded me to who I am today. As a woman, mother and wife I am still a huge, imperfect work in progress. Everyday gives me a new insight on life and I try to make sense of it all.

So here I am at 8:41 PM on January 1st keeping my first resolution: Starting my blog. I still have a whole 364 days to keep the other ones, but already I am feeling like I am making some progress!
This coming week I solemnly promise to:
1) Register for a full workload of college classes (AKA get my ass back to school)
2) Quit smoking (OUCH.. Smoked my last cigarette at 12:10 AM)
3) Get started on my diet. UGH.. I’ll miss yummy food 😦
4) I’ll wake up earlier so I can get to work earlier so I won’t get nasty looks from coworkers. (Long story…)
5) I’ll try to not lose my patience with hubby when he starts extolling the virtues of whatever his new fad of the moment is….
6) I’ll spend more quality time with Boogie as opposed to smothering Eli with affection.
7) I’ll start cutting the umbilical cord with Eli and start to understand that in order to grow up to be an independent member of society Mommy needs to start to let go.. At least a little..
8) I’ll call my mom, dad and family more. Calling my mom at midnight to wish her a Happy New Year only to find out that I completely forgot that she had surgery on Friday did not go over well. Especially not when you are the only child to a very dramatic Colombian mom.
9) I’ll be a better wife. (Another long story)
10) I will let go of the past and look towards the future.
11) I will not let negative people or negative moments sway me from my goals, mission and path.

I am pretty sure that there are more, but with kids screaming in the background remembering them now is not going to happen!

Phew … (big smile on my face)… One post down…. Many more to come!! 🙂

The burn / The call to action

There are very few things in life I was definitely CERTAIN that I wanted to do or that I BURNED to do. I knew that I wanted to be a mother and I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the world, but I wasn’t sure how. After all, I am not gifted at anything in particular… I am not an amazing artist or musician or writer. I am ok at moving goods from point A to point B or getting a good rate on freight, but woo hoo! Hey, not everyone has to be renown for having that ‘burn’ for something. So I had my daughter then my son and I thought that was my calling; being the best working mom that I could be. I was ok with that. Then my son Elias threw me a curve ball. Little by little after he was born I started realizing that something was not quite right.

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I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I could tell that he was different. Everything took him way longer to do; from sitting up to eating solid foods to just talking. Starting at 8 months old there were endless neurologist appointments, developmental pediatrician appointments, early intervention, speech therapist and occupational appointments (just to name a few). Everything from possible autism, MR, CP, etc etc was thrown at my little guy. What did I do for 3 years? I cried, ripped my hair out, lost 50 pounds and almost lost my job. I wondered why me? Why my little boy? I didn’t understand where to begin or how to fight to get my son the help that he needed. I felt like a failure. Then one day I met Portia at the feeding clinic. Elias was still eating jarred baby food and he was almost 4 years old.

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I was a hair away from getting divorced and it was a miracle that I hadn’t gotten fired for all the work I had to miss due to Elias’s appointments. Portia was a single mom to 3 sons; two of which had autism. She could sit there and cry like I had been doing for years, but she wasn’t! She amazed me every morning how she would whirl into the feeding clinic perfectly dressed, looking like a model out of Ebony, full of laughter and smiles and with something else that is imperative, hope. She sat down with me one day and took out her little black book full of precious resources and told me who to contact to help my son. She gave me advice and she shook me awake. Portia made me realize that just because my son was different didn’t mean that I shouldn’t plan for a great, productive future for him.

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Most importantly she lit the first spark of passion in making me want to do everything I possibly could to advocate for my son. Since then I have taken every course imaginable on how to advocate for not just my child, but all children with special needs. My school district learned that the bawling parent they had in front of them for Elias’s first IEP meeting was no more. There would be no more pushing around Eli and Jen M. My little boy has taken me down paths that I would have never ventured through before. I would have never met someone like Portia or even cared enough to learn about children with special needs like I do now. Ok so I am not an artist or chef or writer. I do however, ‘burn’ to help others. I want to empower, educate and help other parents the same way that Portia helped me. Elias is apraxic, non-verbal with global delays, but I want to help children and their families no matter what the disability.